missing you

dearest friends,
I was looking at our old pictures and I smiled
It tells stories how we always hang out with eachother with very little that we had
we always out for makan together and just go watch movies together...it was very rare to be able 2 watch movies so often thou, but we treasure those moments together
and we would take pictures in every corner with every poses

from long hair to short and to long again
from bold, to un-clean curly hair, till super huge brocolly hair
from red to black to dark brown
from long to bold
we had all pictures taken and even the worse pose and we would just laugh

we shared tears and joy together
we shared nasty moments and made it onto a photo frame in our hearts
we took a family picture together till one of us was out with another of us
we had lots of fun, the ups and down

but.... now....
what happened to us? I wondered...
we stayed even nearer to eachother, yet we hardly go out
we stayed just next door, yet we hardly talked
we stand on the same floor, we cooked at the same kitchen and we drank from the same water dispenser, yet we hardly met eachother on daily basis
you had your agenda and so did I
you had your own while I'm still driving my old ferrari

what had happen to us? our friendship?
where did the unity gone? where did we went wrong? since when we started to expect higher than before? since when we split our friendship into different group? since when I stand here and you are there? we are so near, just next to eachother, yet we are so far away
we care about eachother so much, thou now words was more now than action
I clean alone, eat alone, sometimes with just the few of us, I watched TV alone, sometimes with you but I feel like a stranger..
I am with you but we were never really together
I missed the old us, I missed our time together... the five of us...

If I can undo few things, maybe I would, but I know it will only hurt you,
so I chose to understand
If I can undo few things, maybe I would just kept quite and pretend everything was alrite so maybe you wouldn't be that far now

what happen to us? to our beautiful friendship?

i missed u... i missed us.... i missed all of us.....

can i ask u?

they say a flower can express a thousand words,
but i don't have it now
they say a pencil is better than a memory
but i don't have a pencil now neither i have a paper to write down
i just open my laptop and starts to type what's in my head

but i can't


i feel it would be easier for me if i'm good in arranging words, but i'm not
i feel it would be easier for me if my brain is as fast as my typing to express what i'm feeling now
but i couldn't
i feel it would be easier if someone with a good english is here to help me out
but maybe she wouldn't understand coz i still can't express it in words

i remembered a song "bila hati terasa berat, tak seorang pun mengerti bebanku, ku tanya Yesus apa yang harus kubuat"
i guess it applies for me now
and all i can do is just cry and call His name

tonite seems so quite.. is it because of the holidays or is it really quite?
i am surrounded by people yet i still feel alone and lost

where should i go after all this?
after a long 8 years "finally" accomplishing my degree
where shoould i step in?
after moving from one country to another

suddenly i lost a sense of purpose
i'm not sure anymore

but then i heard a song "because He lives, i can face tomorrow, because He lives all fear are gone, because i know, i know He holds the future. Life is worth of living just because He lives"

should i be afraid? i shouldn't! but i am, a bit
should i be worry? i shouldn't! but i am, a bit
i'm only human, but He's not!